Viewing: Stories About Real-Life Living By Jordan Patterson - View all posts

Though it has been years since my momma died, since she moved on without me, I never stopped thinking about her and the influence on my life. She left behind a legacy of love and wisdom that still resonates within my soul.

As a child my momma told me that suffering comes with love, and that one doesn’t exist without the other. She said “Jordan, you need to find a place for your suffering, it’s not a curse, it’s a blessing.” She said, “you’re sensitive and a lover, and it’s always going to be like this.” Those words, spoken so long ago, have stayed with me and guided me through every stage of my life.

So before my aunt Joan passed away she started reading me my momma letters that these two women exchanged over the many years of their lives and one where my momma described her plans to adopt me. It was then that I realised the depth of love my momma had for me, even before I came into this world.

I felt a surge of emotions as I listened to my aunt's trembling voice, weaving the stories of the letters together with a tender nostalgia. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realised that the greatest gift I had ever received was not something tangible, but rather the profound love that I felt my entire life.

In that moment, surrounded by the words of love penned by my momma and the heartfelt narrations of my aunt, I knew that this gift was real and mine to keep forever. I share this because My momma would tell me as a child that she’d been searching for me my whole life. Oftentimes she would ask “do you know how much I love you?”

With tears streaming down my face, I responded to my momma's question, "No, Momma, I don't think I'll ever fully.”

It is heartbreaking to think but it wasn’t until the end of her life that we had one of the most important conversations together. She held my hand tightly, her eyes brimming with wisdom and a lifetime of experiences. She sat in front of me weeping. My momma thought that being mistreated and abused by my family members meant she had somehow failed me in life.

In that vulnerable moment, I reached out and reassured her, "Momma, please don't blame yourself.”

I was quick to remind her of all the wonderful books she read to me as a child, and how The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe had inspired my dreams and sense of adventure. I told her that her love, guidance, and nurturing had shaped me into the person I had become. I told her that I love because she loves me.

In that tender moment, I watched as a wave of relief washed over my momma's tear-stained face. She took a deep breath and a small smile formed at the corners of her lips. As She said “I love you Jordan, you’re the greatest gift ever received.”

- Jordan Patterson

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Some relationships are for a lifetime...and others are just long enough to remind you of the importance you play in each other’s lives. They arrive with perfected timing in what feels like a never-ending exchange of smiles, all in design of your mutual approval and shared principles. Then there’re those other relationships that require just a feeling; it’s a feeling of immediate trust and in need of no greater approval than the exchange of words being spoken. 

This picture is of me and my most glorious and terminally-beautiful Aunt Joan on my first of two visits, as a child, to see her at her home in Seattle, Washington. My Aunt Joan is my momma’s youngest and the last living of their four siblings...and even though we had thousands of miles with many years between visits, some relationships are just right and meant as a reminder of not only their importance, but of how things could have been if those relationships had not actually happened. 

I wanted to respond and bring people up-to-date on some of the cool questions or inquiries that I’ve received over the last few days. Most of the questions were about my post earlier in the week, regarding the afternoon I so happily enjoyed sitting in a chair, telling my story. 

Early on when I was a kid in search of the next great song and or musical artist, I figured out that a majority of the information and learning needed was quite often hidden in the liner notes of the albums I purchased. And it was this revelation and moment of learning that introduced me to enjoy reading for the first time in my life, and completely changed how I would now make the decisions related to the albums of musical artists in which I would now search to learn more about.   

This unplanned education and changed way of making musical purchases also inadvertently opened me up to learning about world history. In taking the time to read why and or who it was that these artists or musical acts considered to be the influencers or foundation of their self-creation, I suddenly found myself immersed with an unforeseen path or book of instruction to global race relations, world history, and the associated politics that most certainly helped to first start the musical conversation now being had in this song.   

 I wish I could say that I was perfect...that I was loved by many, favored to win, and that I'd never been involved in some best-described-as-regrettable life moments. No bad deed goes unpunished...but knowing my regret and the slow-in-my-sorrow to be real, it is "those" life-learning moments that I wish I could finally catch a receipt on and find a way to close that chapter of my life. 

I wish I wasn’t in ownership of a long list of regret; things which I pray to God that you, among others, will hopefully never someday find out...things which I pray could be somehow changed and in one way or another, forgiven. But just how much it is, of my personal debt, that God feels is still outstanding...seems to be ongoing and yet-to-be decided. But then again, I’ve learned that as people, we're more the same than we are different. We all have a past...but it’s equally important to always remind ourselves that we have a future, too.