I wanted to respond and bring people up-to-date on some of the cool questions or inquiries that I’ve received over the last few days. Most of the questions were about my post earlier in the week, regarding the afternoon I so happily enjoyed sitting in a chair, telling my story.
I’ve spent a great deal of my life living with the dial turned to wild, fueled with this “all-in” attitude and foolishly convinced that I was special and could somehow negotiate or make friends with my bottled fears.
However, most of those fears weren’t new, spanning a lifetime in their design and my failed attempts at their negotiations were fairly normal at best.
When hiding in denial, the shameful and/or regrettable truth is in choosing to believe that soft landings are real when you know that your disappointment is the only guarantee. And the cost of “trying to hide” or “wishing for different” is world-class in its emotional drain on your soul.
The truth is that...in the beginning of my life, I grew up in a home with an overflow of anger, that was powered by a perfected delivery system, who stood two feet taller than me and outweighed me by forty pounds, which quickly taught me how and what to fear.
Because of that fear replacing the protection so needed in my family home, I was forced to try and smile while in search of the kindness buried deep within my heart... always living fearfully but in hope of finding acceptance and much-needed protection in the homes of others.
But I’ve lived most of my life knowing that there’s a positive to every negative and it’s out there if you’re willing to try and find it. For me, the positive to this negative was music and all those who lived in my neighborhood or the surrounding community where I grew up.
I’ve always said that our individual stories have lesser value than trying to get people to believe and simply understand that the way you FEEL is REAL and it’s the way that we feel that is comparable in who we are as human beings. This is how we find the compassion in one another that connects us, bringing us together as people.
Knowing the limitations for true success which many people saw in my early life or possible future growing up, and somehow always being made to feel as having a deficiency of any comparable human excellence, is the way those same people actually see me today. Well, the positive in this negative was believing in my dreams, while not falling victim to believing in the limitations of what people saw for me. Because my life has been unlike others and taken me around the world and provided the opportunity for a great majority of my dreams to come true...and I’ve done it all with KNOWING what’s possible and under MY name.
I’ve always believed that life becomes real the moment we find out what’s actually possible, and my willingness to dream and believe in what's possible, has meant I’ve never been a person able to contain all the things that inspire my thinking.
A sincerity in caring has given me the opportunity to save people’s lives while providing the opportunity for others to care for and save mine. I’ve lived my entire life with a willing approval for and acceptance of others while having zero tolerance for ignorance or divisional thinking amongst other people or various social groups. This history is a personal thing which has made me most proud in my life, and become something most people have grown to expect of who it is I truly am and the way I carry myself as a man.
My Momma was a huge and unique influence in my life. My Momma taught me how to see past the fears of not knowing, and to identify the value of true excellence in both myself and in others, respectfully. And my recent loss of her physical self, shamefully humbled my preparedness of her passing, and the feeling of mourning was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life or could’ve possibly prepared for.
However, the unforeseen beauty that quite often follows our reflection while in negotiation of these feelings, and the positive to every negative has gradually shifted and come to life. Because the very thing that once felt as my defeat, has with time become a most wonderful reminder of her love. I could with time, once again see the approval in her smile and feel her kiss, I could hear her voice and life lessons of love and learning, which have all in one way or another helped shape my thinking.
My Momma once said. “…Jordan, I wish you would stop trying to fit in, because you don’t fit in, you never will fit in, and nor are you supposed to fit. You’re more like me then you know, Jordan, I wish you would stop trying to fit in. Jordan, you’re an artist, you’re an artist of the utmost kind. And if you want any chance at happiness in your life, you’ll stop trying to fit in, and you’ll go back to what you love, to what you are, and be an artist. Jordan, your life is unlike others, and it’s in design for conversation. Jordan, your willingness to share your life, your feelings and your thoughts with others, will be the very way you contribute to the world…” – Nancy-Lou Patterson
I have never in my life claimed to care and not actually done so, never closed the window and turned up the TV rather than going next door to see why people are screaming for help.
Life is most unexpected but if open and willing, it’s full of learning moments with opportunities to feel respected and to offer gratitude and respect to others in return. The truth is that I’m a pretty lucky guy and nothing in my life would have ever been possible without the caring compassion and the concern of others. And The kid, who many said was unable or notable, labeled with expressions of “Jordan can’t read and can’t write” or at times described as “slow”...is now the focus of a DOCUMENTARY!!... Wow!! = Gratitude!!
Life isn’t easy nor is it fair but it doesn’t have to be complicated.
I love music...I love what’s possible...and I’ve learned to LOVE LIFE!!...and I’m grateful!
Sincerely, your friend
- Jordan Patterson